Friday, March 9, 2012

Pagan Blog Project: Exclusion

Exclusion. The act of being excluded, or kept apart.

You know what one thing I miss about being Christian? The sense of community. Every Sunday, we'd go to church, and socialize with like-minded people whose families all knew each other. There was a sense of community, of family.

Now I'm on the other side of the country, no longer Christian, no longer Republican, and on a military base. So I feel pretty alone. I went to a spouse's meeting last night (only because they were offering passes for an extra day off for the husband!) and walking in, I literally felt like I was walking into enemy territory. I've made friends here - but most of them turned out to be false, treating a mutual friend like crap, only wanting to hang out at candlelite parties or Pampered Chef parties or Tupperware Parties or...well you get the idea. The mutual friend who was treated badly broke up with her girlfriend and moved home to Texas and I miss her dearly. (Yes, she was lesbian, and dating a Marine - probably why she also felt excluded.)

Currently my husband and I have exactly one pair of real friends here - and they're Catholic. But very open-minded Catholics; my husband read their tea leaves at their house after the spouse's meeting, and our friend's response was "You're practicing witchcraft in my house? Ah well, I'm not burning yet, so it must be okay." The standard joke is he's going to burn us, and we're going to feed him to our lion. (ie, our gigantic Maine Coon who will be the subject of next week's post.)

But with the exception of them - it's a lonely place. Our values just simply don't align with most military values.  I'm looking forward to getting out of the military in three months and moving to DC - there's the Open Hearth Foundation with a Pagan Community Center that I can't WAIT to explore! But for now, I am stuck. I'll be celebrating Ostara alone, as my husband has to be gone on a Field Exercise. But nobody will be working on Easter Sunday, I guarantee it. Everyone had Christmas off - but he had to work around the Winter Solstice, so we couldn't do the Vigil For the Sun. Now that I think about it, he had duty over Imbolc, too.

This is a large part of why I have such a large presence online. I have a LiveJournal, a Facebook, a Google+, a Pinterest, Goodreads, this blog. (I'm crystallinegirl EVERYWHERE, just let me know you're from PGP) I'm active in my guild in World of Warcraft. I crave socialization, and since I don't get it in real life, I find it online with like-minded people. People who don't think Obama is the anti-christ, or that LGBTQ people have no place in the military, or society at large. People who don't think gay marriage is the moral equivalent of pedophilia. People who don't think a woman's place is in the kitchen with five kids.

That's another thing I've found about the military. Married couples with no kids? That don't plan to have kids in the near future (or at all)? Few and far between. At the "winter holiday party" (they couldn't call it a Christmas party, heh.) they had a raffle. There were about 7-8 prizes for families with children. 3-4 for single Marines. And one, yes ONE prize for married couples without children. I feel a bit like a second-class citizen, because we don't have kids. And don't want them.

I feel excluded here, and I miss the sense of community...but what I've gained in return is something unmeasurable. I've gained a sense of self, a confidence that I never had. I've gained the ability and the motivation to research the truth for myself, instead of just letting it be dictated to me. I've gained independence. I've gained the ability to pick and choose what I want to believe, what works for me. So - it's worth it. And I have hopes that it will get better when we move out of this military town.

12 comments:

  1. I've been craving community lately. More in terms of being with Witches and Pagans. To do community stuff. I hear ya. Better luck when yall move. :-)

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  2. I started reading this and was like, man, I TOTALLY can relate! When I first moved back to Alaska I felt this way. I have, since then, found a growing Pagan community here.... the internet community was my greatest connection to like-minded.....but the beginning time was rough.
    I wish you much patience while you are in waiting time and the greatest of luck on your move! In the mean time - you have the good ol internet :)

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    1. The internet has been a lifesaver! Only two and a half months until we can move up to DC, and I can't wait. We already have lots of friends up there; the husband was stationed up there for six months while learning a language. I can't even imagine someplace like Alaska.

      I think what might complicate it is we're never in one place long enough to find a community. And about halfway through we stop trying, because we know we're leaving soon, so what's the point? We plan to be in DC for at least the next five years, though, so I'm going to work hard to find a community. :)

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  3. I've never been a "believer" and my family never went to church or anything (not so rare in Sweden) so I don't have that feeling of missing a community. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone like-minded to talk to but that's why I started my blog in the first place. I agree that having to 'work' alone makes for a huge confidence in the self that is really admireble and as time passes by I feel myself growing very much, and I like it. And hopefully in the future our holidays will be considered a reason to be off work for celebration too =)

    Blessed be!

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    1. I've heard that Sweden is a very...not-church-going place, LOL. Might be a nice change from here, where everywhere you turn, somebody's relating something random (like a deck of cards) to Jesus. (Yes, seriously.) Or advertising something as "serving you lets us serve Jesus." (That was an advertisement for a motorcycle repair shop. WTF.) And the most recent debate over whether religious employers should have to provide birth control coverage. Not churches, mind you, they're already exempt - just employers who as people don't believe in it.

      Get your religion out of my work/school/government, dammit. It's one thing to have religious holidays off; it's another thing completely to act like everyone else believes in your religion as well. *sigh* Sorry, pet peeve.

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  4. I"m not on any base but I totally understand the loneliness that comes from being excluded. It's hard to find a group/circle where I am and like you, I seem to find the most connections on the 'net in blogs. It is hard finding the right community wherever you are. Keep putting out your feelers and energy into the universe about the need for needing to be involved. I'm blessed as well with being owned by two cats and even though I love them, I know they're no substitute for having that feeling of connection with others. Thank you for your honest post. Loneliness seems to be a topic going 'round witchy/pagan blogs lately. Who knows maybe we'll get to know each other better and talk some time ; )


    The Year of the Cats 

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    1. I certainly have enough connections online to keep me sane, but it would just be nice to be able to actually interact with people in real life, you know? SO looking forward to moving to DC.

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  5. Hey Crystal,

    I know how you are feeling with the lack of a "community" that sometimes happens in Paganism. It is one of the biggest things that I miss about the christian faith. Have you tried looking for a Unitarian Universalist church? They are a very welcoming non-denominational spiritual community and sometimes have a branch of CUUPs at them (CUUPS is a Unitarian pagan fellowship in case you haven't heard of them)

    Anyway I live in DC currently and Open Hearth is a great organisation that I am proud to be a member of. Iris and David are 2 of the people that run it and are some of the most amazing people in the community. I look forward to meeting you at some Open Hearth event when you make your move. Until then, blessed be.

    Andrew Lore
    www.paganinsider.com

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    1. The nearest UU church is over 40 miles away. (Probably the one in Wilmington - we attended a concert there that was amazing - I love S.J. Tucker sooooo much!)

      There was a CUUPS chapter at the UU church in my hometown in Oregon - or at least the UU church let the local pagans do rituals there, I don't know if it was an official CUUPS chapter or not.

      But I am very much looking forward to moving to DC and investigating the Open Hearth Foundation!

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  6. I feel alone a lot too, to be perfectly honest. There are cliques everywhere. And as a writer, it can be a very solo experience. While online is nice, even here, it seems that people are disconnected. I had hoped for more community here at the PBP too, but its as disjointed with some folks supporting others and some not being noticed. Maybe it's just society now. Maybe it's a solo pagan experience. I run services at my UU for Imbolc, Beltane and Samhain, and yet...it's still far and few between. All I can say is thanks for writing this. at least you hit a nerve and folks look at your stuff...I'm a good writer, but feel that I am not taken seriously by most.

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    1. Oh! You're the one that wrote the entry about Deasil/Widdershins! I meant to comment on that one. I, too, think Widdershins would be an amazing name for a cat. :)

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