You may have noticed I haven't posted much in the last week and a half. We were in a car accident last Wednesday, and the car's been in the shop since then. (We're all fine, medically, but the car's pretty banged up.)
Sascha still hasn't found a paying job since moving here, so we're still living on his unemployment. I had a job over the holidays, temp work at a craft store, but that's over and done with. So the financial stress plus the car stress has left me in...less than a writing mood, shall we say.
I blogged about the Cu Sith, or Black Dog, a couple of weeks ago, and how it contributed to our last major car accident. I had finally almost completely gotten over my anxiety about THAT car accident when we had this one. Now I have flashbacks from both accidents mixing in my brain and nightmares. So I haven't been sleeping well, and only go to bed when I'm exhausted for fear of staring into the dark and rehashing both accidents. (Which is why this post is getting written at 3 am.)
When we get the car back I'm planning to do a protection spell on it, but I haven't figured out just what I'm doing yet. I know I want to trace a pentacle on the hood, both sides, and the rear, but I'm not sure with what yet. Obviously I don't want anything permanent. Maybe just some water with essential oils in it? I'm thinking of smudging the inside of the car too. I have a sage stick lying around somewhere.
I know a couple of protection prayers, to Brigid - I should find something to weave a Brigid cross out of, perhaps, and hang that in the car.
The other logistical thing I'm trying to figure out is - where to do this. We live in an apartment; the parking lot isn't exactly private. I could perhaps pull it off at the parking lot at the brewery where Sascha is volunteering - it's a bit more secluded, and all his co-workers are, if not outright pagan themselves, completely accepting of it. (His boss wears the Norse hammer around his neck at all times!)
(If you're in the Maryland/DC area, you should totally come by and check out the brewery - it's Baying Hound Aleworks in Rockville. The people rock and the beer is tasty. I'll probably be there Saturday, and looks like I'll start being there most Thursdays from here on out.)
Hmmm. I just found this ritual. I like it. I'll modify it, of course, for my gods, but it's a good starting point. Has anyone protected their vehicle? What did you do?
Showing posts with label pagan blog project. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pagan blog project. Show all posts
Friday, February 8, 2013
Friday, February 1, 2013
C is for Crows
Ah, crows. Crows and ravens have always been special to me. I grew up in the Pacific Northwest; there are crows EVERYWHERE, and the occasional raven. I remember walking to school, and seeing a crow sitting on the sidewalk, simply watching me as I approached, until he finally hopped to the side of the sidewalk to let me pass. Perhaps some of the connection came from the tabletop roleplaying game I was playing at the time, in which I was playing a were-raven. I could see the intelligence in the crows that made the game creator think they could be humans in disguise.
So I grew up loving crows, and in high school when I started role-playing, found a deeper appreciation for them.
And early on in discovering my own witchiness, I spent some time with a dear friend of mine near Seattle. She's a witch, and had been for quite some time. Enough that she knew what she was doing at the time, and helped me with a lot of my questions. More than I think she realized I had. Simply being around her and observing her helped answer a lot of my questions. She has a close connection with a murder of crows. Watching her interaction with her flock, how they occasionally guided her through city streets or appeared when she needed a sign, deepened my appreciation further.
A year or two later, I was again in the Pacific Northwest while Sascha was deployed, and found there was a murder of crows that roosted in the trees surrounding my apartment. Every day I found feathers. Every day. And always in multiples of three. Always. I now have a large plastic bin full of black feathers; not enough for a cloak, which is what I'd really like to do with them, but a lot. I keep a couple of them on my altar.
I no longer live near a murder - at least not year-round. (There was a giant murder roosting in the woods behind my apartment for a week or so this last fall.) But I still occasionally see crows when I'm pondering hard questions. They always seem to show up immediately after I've made a decision, as if verifying I've made the right one.
When we moved from North Carolina to Maryland, we saw them on the shoulder of the highway every couple of miles. As if moving was precisely the right thing to be doing.
To the right is Boudi, being very curious about the bowl of crow feathers on the table. (That bowl is about a third of what I wound up collecting, and yes, that is a normal-height table, Boudi's just huge.)
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| A crow in the forest behind our current apartment |
And early on in discovering my own witchiness, I spent some time with a dear friend of mine near Seattle. She's a witch, and had been for quite some time. Enough that she knew what she was doing at the time, and helped me with a lot of my questions. More than I think she realized I had. Simply being around her and observing her helped answer a lot of my questions. She has a close connection with a murder of crows. Watching her interaction with her flock, how they occasionally guided her through city streets or appeared when she needed a sign, deepened my appreciation further.
A year or two later, I was again in the Pacific Northwest while Sascha was deployed, and found there was a murder of crows that roosted in the trees surrounding my apartment. Every day I found feathers. Every day. And always in multiples of three. Always. I now have a large plastic bin full of black feathers; not enough for a cloak, which is what I'd really like to do with them, but a lot. I keep a couple of them on my altar.
I no longer live near a murder - at least not year-round. (There was a giant murder roosting in the woods behind my apartment for a week or so this last fall.) But I still occasionally see crows when I'm pondering hard questions. They always seem to show up immediately after I've made a decision, as if verifying I've made the right one.When we moved from North Carolina to Maryland, we saw them on the shoulder of the highway every couple of miles. As if moving was precisely the right thing to be doing.
To the right is Boudi, being very curious about the bowl of crow feathers on the table. (That bowl is about a third of what I wound up collecting, and yes, that is a normal-height table, Boudi's just huge.)
Friday, January 25, 2013
B is for the Black Dog
The Black Dog is a figure in British Isles Mythology. He has many names; Cwn Annwn, Garmr, Cerberus, Cu Sith, the Barghest, Hairy Jack, Padfoot - there are many more listed on the wiki page.
Seeing the Black Dog is usually a harbinger of impending death or doom. He's also associated with lightning storms, but he's most known as the portent of death.
I'm writing about him today because I've had a personal encounter with the Cu Sith, or Black Dog.
Sascha and I were driving from Oregon to North Carolina. He'd just come home safe from Afghanistan, so we were moving back to North Carolina. Most of our stuff had been shipped; it was just Sascha, the cat, and I in the car, along with the stuff we needed for the two week journey. (We were stopping to see sights as we went.)
In the middle of Montana, miles from anywhere, we were cruising along at 75 MPH (the speed limit on their interstates) when a very large black dog ran in front of the car. We swerved, attempting to miss it, hit it anyway, spun out of control, across the road, and into a fence. The car was totaled. Sascha was life-flighted to a hospital sixty miles away with a punctured, collapsed lung and two broken ribs. I waited with the car until a nice SPCA employee came to pick up our cat (she kept her at her house until we could pick her up again!) and then the tow truck driver drove me to the hospital. I had twisted an ankle, but was otherwise unharmed.
And it was on the hour ride to the hospital, while I was quietly, inwardly panicking because I had no idea if Sascha was alright, that I realized the dog we'd hit was black. (SPCA later told us it survived, somehow, but disappeared from the road. They THINK the family who'd lost it came to get it, but they're not sure.)
Sascha spent a week in the hospital. It took us another week to find a new car, pull our stuff out of the old one, and pick up Boudicca so we could continue across the states. But Sascha survived, and is pretty much back to normal now, a year later.
Running into the Black Dog remains the scariest moment of my life. I still have nights where I think back on it, and the moments after we hit, when I looked over to see Sascha with blood running down his face, telling me he couldn't breathe. Those are bad nights. I still have moments in the car when I think I see movement at the side of the road. It's been pointed out that I seem to have a mild case of PTSD, which I think I agree with, but I'm getting better. Those nights are few and farther between now.
Looking in from the back of the car, you can see how the driver's side buckled inwards and broke Sascha's ribs. Boudicca's carrier was right behind me. The actually had to cut Sascha's door OFF to get him out of the car.
View of the car from the front.
Part of me wonders at the timing. The only real ritual I've performed was just after Sascha deployed to Afghanistan; I performed a protection ritual to keep him safe. Every night he was gone I prayed to Brigid. And he came home safe, but it was like the universe rubber-banded on us. I pulled too much and it snapped back.
Sascha has mentioned this principle in regards to weather-working. He doesn't do it much, because it tends to backlash eventually.
Has anyone else observed this with magic? Energy backlashing when you've pulled to hard the other direction?
Has anyone else had encounters with the Black Dog?
Seeing the Black Dog is usually a harbinger of impending death or doom. He's also associated with lightning storms, but he's most known as the portent of death.
I'm writing about him today because I've had a personal encounter with the Cu Sith, or Black Dog.
Sascha and I were driving from Oregon to North Carolina. He'd just come home safe from Afghanistan, so we were moving back to North Carolina. Most of our stuff had been shipped; it was just Sascha, the cat, and I in the car, along with the stuff we needed for the two week journey. (We were stopping to see sights as we went.)
In the middle of Montana, miles from anywhere, we were cruising along at 75 MPH (the speed limit on their interstates) when a very large black dog ran in front of the car. We swerved, attempting to miss it, hit it anyway, spun out of control, across the road, and into a fence. The car was totaled. Sascha was life-flighted to a hospital sixty miles away with a punctured, collapsed lung and two broken ribs. I waited with the car until a nice SPCA employee came to pick up our cat (she kept her at her house until we could pick her up again!) and then the tow truck driver drove me to the hospital. I had twisted an ankle, but was otherwise unharmed.
And it was on the hour ride to the hospital, while I was quietly, inwardly panicking because I had no idea if Sascha was alright, that I realized the dog we'd hit was black. (SPCA later told us it survived, somehow, but disappeared from the road. They THINK the family who'd lost it came to get it, but they're not sure.)
Sascha spent a week in the hospital. It took us another week to find a new car, pull our stuff out of the old one, and pick up Boudicca so we could continue across the states. But Sascha survived, and is pretty much back to normal now, a year later.
Running into the Black Dog remains the scariest moment of my life. I still have nights where I think back on it, and the moments after we hit, when I looked over to see Sascha with blood running down his face, telling me he couldn't breathe. Those are bad nights. I still have moments in the car when I think I see movement at the side of the road. It's been pointed out that I seem to have a mild case of PTSD, which I think I agree with, but I'm getting better. Those nights are few and farther between now.
Looking in from the back of the car, you can see how the driver's side buckled inwards and broke Sascha's ribs. Boudicca's carrier was right behind me. The actually had to cut Sascha's door OFF to get him out of the car.
Part of me wonders at the timing. The only real ritual I've performed was just after Sascha deployed to Afghanistan; I performed a protection ritual to keep him safe. Every night he was gone I prayed to Brigid. And he came home safe, but it was like the universe rubber-banded on us. I pulled too much and it snapped back.
Sascha has mentioned this principle in regards to weather-working. He doesn't do it much, because it tends to backlash eventually.
Has anyone else observed this with magic? Energy backlashing when you've pulled to hard the other direction?
Has anyone else had encounters with the Black Dog?
Thursday, January 17, 2013
B is for Breaking Bonds
I mentioned in last week's post that I no longer felt I had to hide my altar; that I was happy that I knew no one would be entering my house who would judge me for it. There's a reason for this development. But first, some history.
I was raised very conservative Christian. I was the good little Christian girl. I was saving sex for marriage. I was homeschooled until eighth grade. I thought dinosaurs lived alongside humans in biblical times. (Hey, Job mentions leviathan and behemoth, those are obviously dinosaurs!)
It wasn't until a few years out of high school that I really started questioning those beliefs; Sascha helped a lot simply by asking me questions and encouraging me to think - really THINK - about why I believed certain things. Even so, while I was questioning things, I didn't really make up my mind until I moved away from my home state, away from my family's influence. Without the constant pressure to be the good daughter, without fear of family judgement, I was finally able to decide that no, I was not Christian. I don't believe in God and Jesus or hell.
Making this entire process slower was the way I'd been raised; women are subordinate in the household; you should be quiet and obedient. I mean, that wasn't said in so many words, but men were the heads of households. Men were pastors and elders of the church. Women don't get positions of authority. So mixed up in these religious beliefs were also beliefs about my place, and the lack of confidence in my own judgement and reasoning. (Trying to make a decision? Don't make it alone, look it up in the Bible and pray about it, because your reasoning is never good enough.)
That was five years ago. It's taken me this long to realize my judgement is sound; I can be logical and reasoning. I have a right to make my voice and opinions heard. And they are NOT the same opinions as my family. I've even somewhat repaired the damage to my history and science education.
So this last holiday season, my family, as usual, made a big deal on Facebook about "It's Merry Christmas, NOT Happy Holidays!" and "Jesus is the Reason for the Season." Being a pagan who celebrates the Solstice, and having pagan and Jewish friends who are also celebrating holidays other than Christmas, I couldn't let this go. To one of my mother's posts (the one with Ben Stein saying he's not offended by Merry Christmas, if you know it) I posted three very long, very thought-out comments refuting the speech, statement by statement. Including the Snopes link saying that most of that is not, actually, from Ben Stein. My mother deleted the post.
My favorite cousin re-posted the Ben Stein thing about a week later, which was when I discovered my mother had deleted hers. I told my cousin I would have linked her to my response, but I couldn't find it, so I just left the Snopes link. My mother FINALLY commented in reply, saying "I don't care who said it" but then continuing on to say "I'm sorry we failed you and I hope you see the truth someday." Saying she didn't care about the truth of a thing and they saying she hoped I found the truth pissed me off and made me laugh out loud at the same time.
There were other Facebook posts that I objected to, and either didn't get replies to my comments or they were to the same effect. I did not get mad in my comments, I simply pointed out there were other holidays being celebrated at the same time, and I'd rather be inclusive with my "Happy Holidays" then exclude everyone who wasn't Christian.
Well, last week I posted a picture I found that said "If in 2012 I have said anything that pissed you off, annoyed you, or offended you in any way, SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP because 2013 isn't going to be any different!"
My mother replied and said since I was comfortable saying the "F" word but offended by Merry Christmas, she was blocking me from her Facebook feed. I promptly removed her, my father, a very religious aunt, and another conservative uncle, leaving only my older brother, his wife, and two cousins. I'm guessing my brother and his wife will probably follow shortly.
And I feel FREE. Holy shit. The last several months I'd gradually stopped censoring myself on Facebook; my friends know who I am. To try to pretend to please my family was tiring. But I still had the "well, I'm gonna get flak for that statement!" stress when I posted things I knew my family wouldn't agree with. And it's GONE.
It's taken almost six years, but I finally feel free to be my complete self. My pagan, feminist, pro-choice, liberal, profane self. 2013: the year I finally broke free.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
A is for Altars
Yeah, I'm sure everyone is going to be doing altars this week, but every altar is different, no? So let me show you mine. I don't have the best light on this wall, so the camera's flash throws shadows a bit oddly.
I'll have closeups in a moment. So this is the last part of the hallway into the living room; the door to the kitchen is just to the right of the altar. That means I walk past this spot multiple times a day. I like that it's in such a well-traveled spot; it keeps me mindful of it. The necklace hanging on the left side of the altar is a sun, the necklace on the right is a moon. The statue in the middle I found in the same shop that I bought the little statue of Ganesh and the little statue of Shiva. I don't see it as a fertility symbol so much as a sexuality symbol. Here's a close up of it:
When I'm not wearing my necklace, it hangs here. It's a trinity knot inside a dragon ouroboros. The statue stands on top the tarot card The Sun, for family, love, and loyalty. Turning to the left side of the altar:
It looks cluttered in this shot, but it's really not. Ganesh is sitting on top of a glass cube with a dragon etched inside; That represents me. I coil my hematite bracelet around the cube when I'm not wearing it, and there's two more pieces of hematite to either side of the cube. I love hematite; it grounds me and makes a lovely worry stone. (Those two pieces occasionally go in my pocket if I know I'm going into a stressful situation.) I usually keep a tarot card or two under the glass cube for various purposes. The crow feather is one of many that I own; Crow is rather dear to my heart. On the left wall of the altar is a stuffed bull - I am a Taurus, after all!
Now the right side of the altar:
This glass cube has the Marine Corps' Eagle, Globe, and Anchor etched into it; it represents my husband until I can find a Peter Pan statue. Shiva sits next to him; Sascha rather likes destruction for creation's sake. As he's still looking for a job, there's a coin sitting on top of the cube; it happens to be a British pound coin, but it more the monetary symbol of it. (It was also left in our car by a dear friend and not discovered until we were halfway across the country from said friend, so it's a special coin to us.) In front of Sascha's cube is a dragon sheltering a fairy under his arm, a good symbol for us.
The two goblets on either corner hold small lavender candles for serenity. The altar cloth has an aquatic theme; I may be a very earth person, but I have Pisces rising and can be watery in my imagination and emotions. The entire altar is the top shelf of a bookcase (one of many in our house!) but this bookcase holds my pagan/feminist/philosophy/mythology books.
I'm very happy with my current altar; it's the first time it's really been out in the living space instead of hidden in a bedroom. I like not having it hidden anymore.
Friday, January 4, 2013
PBP - Andraste's Hare
Well, here we are again! It's a New Year, and a new Pagan Blog Project. So we start back at the beginning of the alphabet with A. Conveniently, the name of this blog starts with A, so I thought I'd explain the meaning.
Andraste is believed to be an ancient celtic warrior goddess and the patron goddess of the Iceni tribe. (The tribe Queen Boudicca hailed from.) Andraste is a warrior goddess, a goddess of victory. She oversees battles and is represented by ravens. There's a very in-depth look at her here.
A few of the more important bits from that blog about her:
"Andraste is a warrior goddess, the goddess of victory, of ravens and of battles, similar in many ways to the Irish war goddess Morrigan. Her name is thought to mean "the invincible one" or "she who has not fallen". It is told that her presence was evoked on the eve of battle to curry favor. As a Goddess of divination, she was probably called upon to divine the outcome of battles and war."
"As Andred, her romanised name is Andraste, she was a lunar mother-goddess figure associated with fertility and love. In her dark aspect however, she was associated principally with warfare and specifically with victory. She is sometimes compared to the goddess Andarte, a deity worshipped by the Vocontii of Gaul."
The hare was believed to be a sacred animal to Andraste; before Boudicca led her troops into battle it's said she released a rabbit and watched where it fled, as an augury.
So Andraste's Hare, to me, is a path to victory. It's the journey. This blog is about exploring my spiritual side and deciding who I am. While Wisdom is what drives me, more than Victory, my condition of victory is finding wisdom, so in a way it works.
The mythos of Andraste and Boudicca and the white rabbit has more than one meaning for me; my Maine Coon cat is named for Boudicca. My beautiful fearless girl. I've often thought of this entire pagan journey as falling through the rabbit hole, or chasing the white rabbit. It's kind of amusing to me how often Andraste and Boudicca and her hare show up in my workings and in my life.
So Andraste's Hare. Finding victory and wisdom in the path of the White Rabbit.
Friday, November 16, 2012
PBP - I'm a Word Witch
So - some witches classify themselves - Kitchen Witches, or Weather Witches, or Druids, or Shamans...I've tried to figure out, for a long time, what I am. Other than eclectic.
I'm a Word Witch. My favorite form of spellwork is to write out a prayer, or a poem, or a wish, and decorate the page and hang it on the wall. There are prayers sticky-tacked in odd places throughout my house. At one point, while Sascha was deployed, I had nine or ten prayers of protection and comfort posted around the walls of my bedroom!
Perhaps that's why I like this blog so much. I like words. I enjoy writing. In high school I dreamed about becoming a writer. That's not something I'm interested in now; it's hard enough finding inspiration for a blog entry every day! (And as you can tell, I do fail at that sometimes...)
Speaking doesn't do it for me either; it's the written word where I find magic. I get nervous and mispronounce my speech, but it's extremely rare that I misspell a word. The best way for me to remember something is to write it down once or twice.
I think the affinity for the written word has affected my choice in goddesses, too. Brigid has been my shield and open-armed, welcoming goddess since I began this journey; she's a goddess of poetry and inspiration, of hearth and home. Lately Cerridwen has been calling to me; she's another goddess of inspiration, but also of transformation. She can be vengeful and ferocious in getting what she wants - she chased her servant boy through several different forms when he accidentally took the potion meant for her son. (And eventually ate him, only to birth Taliesin nine months later!)
On one hand, I am eager to see where Cerridwen leads, but I am also a little afraid of the change she promises.
Cerridwen, Dark Lady, you stir your cauldron with such care. Please remember I can be burned too!
I'm a Word Witch. My favorite form of spellwork is to write out a prayer, or a poem, or a wish, and decorate the page and hang it on the wall. There are prayers sticky-tacked in odd places throughout my house. At one point, while Sascha was deployed, I had nine or ten prayers of protection and comfort posted around the walls of my bedroom!
Perhaps that's why I like this blog so much. I like words. I enjoy writing. In high school I dreamed about becoming a writer. That's not something I'm interested in now; it's hard enough finding inspiration for a blog entry every day! (And as you can tell, I do fail at that sometimes...)
Speaking doesn't do it for me either; it's the written word where I find magic. I get nervous and mispronounce my speech, but it's extremely rare that I misspell a word. The best way for me to remember something is to write it down once or twice.
I think the affinity for the written word has affected my choice in goddesses, too. Brigid has been my shield and open-armed, welcoming goddess since I began this journey; she's a goddess of poetry and inspiration, of hearth and home. Lately Cerridwen has been calling to me; she's another goddess of inspiration, but also of transformation. She can be vengeful and ferocious in getting what she wants - she chased her servant boy through several different forms when he accidentally took the potion meant for her son. (And eventually ate him, only to birth Taliesin nine months later!)
On one hand, I am eager to see where Cerridwen leads, but I am also a little afraid of the change she promises.
Cerridwen, Dark Lady, you stir your cauldron with such care. Please remember I can be burned too!
Friday, November 9, 2012
PBP - Woman, Phenomenally
When I was in high school, I was big into poetry. Still am, but in high school I had a few poems that I wrote on papers and pasted onto my walls. (Come to think of it, I still do that, too!) One of my very favorite poems at the time was Maya Angelou's Phenomenal Woman. I ADORE this poem. Why?
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I am a woman. I am not my society's ideal of beauty. I'm rather far from it, actually. As I write this, I'm snacking on leftover Halloween candy which is only going to take me farther from said ideal. But you know what? I am a woman, and I am phenomenal, and I am loved. It only took me, oh, YEARS to realize this!
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
When I met Sascha, I was at the end of a long-distance, mostly-online relationship that was spiraling downwards fast. The ex in question wasn't making any effort to make the relationship NOT long-distance, and my self-esteem, never the greatest, was taking hit after hit. And then I met Sascha, who put such effort into wooing me that I began to realize I was actually quite a catch after all.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
And that was simply the kickstart I needed. In the years since, I've come to appreciate my own personality, my own mind, my own REASON. It seems a little sad, looking back on it, that I needed a man, a relationship, to prove this point to me, but that goes back to the way I was raised.
I was raised in a very conservative Christian household. Dad was the head of the household, and he was the one that made the decisions. Mom voted the way Dad did; not because he told her to, but because she believed he knew best. My older brother was more...extroverted, outspoken, braver, etc...than I ever was. So to go from that environment, to a man that wanted to know what I thought, what I believed, what MY reasons were for things...it was unexpected. And to go from the environment of "Pray to God, he has the answers, he knows best, don't trust your own judgement, read the Bible" to "Harm none, do what ye will" and "Look inside yourself for the answers" was even more mind-blowing and eye-opening.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
And then! And then I discovered the GODDESS. Some of you have been raised monotheistic and understand; some of you probably can't. The GODDESS. The female half. Suddenly, instead of having my life dictated by a masculine god who just. didn't. get it., there was a divinity who was part of ME. Or perhaps a divinity I could be part of. This was a world-changing idea. A few of my more experienced pagan friends were afraid I would devote myself too much to the goddess and forget the balance, but I think I simply needed a few years of immersing myself in the divine feminine. Now I can look at the masculine half with new eyes, and re-accept that energy. I just needed time. Time to learn that I, too, can be divine. I am not lesser than a man by the chance of being born female. I am a WOMAN, and I am phenomenal.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
^This was going to be the end of this entry. But I wrote this before the election on Tuesday, and I suddenly have a lot more to say. WOMEN. Women are the winners of this election. I have several things to share with you that have been floating around Facebook and elsewhere.
"You know your party is in trouble when people ask did the rape guy win, and you have to ask which one." - Alec Baldwin
And also this story: Women and Minorities to dominate the Democratic Party
This is the difference between the Republican party and the Democrat party. Republicans - 90% white males. Democrats - 47% white males. New Hampshire elected a completely female delegation for the first time in US History. We elected an openly lesbian senator. We elected a Hindu woman. A Buddhist woman. A disabled woman. An openly gay congressman. We re-elected an African-American President, with two daughters, who has pledged to protect and fight for a woman's right to choose, for women's access to contraception and preventive healthcare, for equal pay for women, for marriage equality. Marriage equality passed in three states, and a marriage equality ban failed in a fourth.
It wasn't until LAST YEAR that a woman's bathroom got added to the House floor. LAST YEAR. Tuesday marked INCREDIBLE strides for women and minorities. For the first time in a long, long time I feel proud of my country. I am cautiously optimistic about the turn we're taking. Actually, no. I'm not cautiously optimistic. I keep saying I am because I don't want to get my hopes up. But really, I am FREAKING EXCITED for the step we've taken. I am ECSTATIC. I cannot WAIT to see what the next four years bring.
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I am a woman. I am not my society's ideal of beauty. I'm rather far from it, actually. As I write this, I'm snacking on leftover Halloween candy which is only going to take me farther from said ideal. But you know what? I am a woman, and I am phenomenal, and I am loved. It only took me, oh, YEARS to realize this!
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
When I met Sascha, I was at the end of a long-distance, mostly-online relationship that was spiraling downwards fast. The ex in question wasn't making any effort to make the relationship NOT long-distance, and my self-esteem, never the greatest, was taking hit after hit. And then I met Sascha, who put such effort into wooing me that I began to realize I was actually quite a catch after all.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
And that was simply the kickstart I needed. In the years since, I've come to appreciate my own personality, my own mind, my own REASON. It seems a little sad, looking back on it, that I needed a man, a relationship, to prove this point to me, but that goes back to the way I was raised.
I was raised in a very conservative Christian household. Dad was the head of the household, and he was the one that made the decisions. Mom voted the way Dad did; not because he told her to, but because she believed he knew best. My older brother was more...extroverted, outspoken, braver, etc...than I ever was. So to go from that environment, to a man that wanted to know what I thought, what I believed, what MY reasons were for things...it was unexpected. And to go from the environment of "Pray to God, he has the answers, he knows best, don't trust your own judgement, read the Bible" to "Harm none, do what ye will" and "Look inside yourself for the answers" was even more mind-blowing and eye-opening.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
And then! And then I discovered the GODDESS. Some of you have been raised monotheistic and understand; some of you probably can't. The GODDESS. The female half. Suddenly, instead of having my life dictated by a masculine god who just. didn't. get it., there was a divinity who was part of ME. Or perhaps a divinity I could be part of. This was a world-changing idea. A few of my more experienced pagan friends were afraid I would devote myself too much to the goddess and forget the balance, but I think I simply needed a few years of immersing myself in the divine feminine. Now I can look at the masculine half with new eyes, and re-accept that energy. I just needed time. Time to learn that I, too, can be divine. I am not lesser than a man by the chance of being born female. I am a WOMAN, and I am phenomenal.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
^This was going to be the end of this entry. But I wrote this before the election on Tuesday, and I suddenly have a lot more to say. WOMEN. Women are the winners of this election. I have several things to share with you that have been floating around Facebook and elsewhere.
"You know your party is in trouble when people ask did the rape guy win, and you have to ask which one." - Alec Baldwin
And also this story: Women and Minorities to dominate the Democratic Party
This is the difference between the Republican party and the Democrat party. Republicans - 90% white males. Democrats - 47% white males. New Hampshire elected a completely female delegation for the first time in US History. We elected an openly lesbian senator. We elected a Hindu woman. A Buddhist woman. A disabled woman. An openly gay congressman. We re-elected an African-American President, with two daughters, who has pledged to protect and fight for a woman's right to choose, for women's access to contraception and preventive healthcare, for equal pay for women, for marriage equality. Marriage equality passed in three states, and a marriage equality ban failed in a fourth.
It wasn't until LAST YEAR that a woman's bathroom got added to the House floor. LAST YEAR. Tuesday marked INCREDIBLE strides for women and minorities. For the first time in a long, long time I feel proud of my country. I am cautiously optimistic about the turn we're taking. Actually, no. I'm not cautiously optimistic. I keep saying I am because I don't want to get my hopes up. But really, I am FREAKING EXCITED for the step we've taken. I am ECSTATIC. I cannot WAIT to see what the next four years bring.
Friday, November 2, 2012
PBP - Volatility and why I've been gone
I wavered between discussing volatility or vulnerability this week; had I jumped back into the PBP a week earlier I probably would have done both. But I think, given my extended absence and the reasons why, volatility is the better topic.
And oh my, have things been volatile.
In the four - five? months since I've posted regularly, Sascha has left the military, we've moved to a different state, I've gotten a job, we've gotten a new car, there's been a hurricane and a derecho, and Sascha has yet to find a new job.
When you're in the military, there's a certain amount of steadiness (yes, steadiness, amongst all the uncertainty!) that you come to expect. You know you'll get paid twice a month, you know how much that will be.
With Sascha on unemployment, and the old car shitting itself, our life pretty much lost all of its reliability.
It was about this time I realized I still had Shiva sitting in a primary place on my altar, for his destruction-for-a-purpose energies. Love you, man, but ENOUGH! I removed him, not from the altar, but from the center of it. I'm searching for stability now, and I don't think he's the way to find it.
Since doing so, I've found a job and we traded in the old car for a brand new one which should hopefully not break every time we turn around. (And they were able to wrap the old car loan into the new one; so financially it made sense.)
Volatility is just - not a pleasant experience for me. I often wear a hematite bracelet, and carry hematite worry stones, to keep myself grounded. I don't mind change, but I like to have a solid foundation to deal with that change from. My marriage is still rock-steady, and a wonderful foundation, but having lost the financial stability, things are more stressful.
We do have a few things on the horizon; a job offer for Sascha, a possible business opportunity for me, but neither of those start until January or February. So we're in a bit of a holding pattern. "Just get through the next few months, and then we'll be fine."
I've been so distracted with starting my new job - my seasonal, part-time, temporary retail job - that I don't even know what gods/goddesses/energies I should be directing my efforts toward. I should probably do some research and put a spell up on the altar.
Does anyone have any recommendations for financial spells? Or perhaps tranquility in the face of chaos spells?
And oh my, have things been volatile.
In the four - five? months since I've posted regularly, Sascha has left the military, we've moved to a different state, I've gotten a job, we've gotten a new car, there's been a hurricane and a derecho, and Sascha has yet to find a new job.
When you're in the military, there's a certain amount of steadiness (yes, steadiness, amongst all the uncertainty!) that you come to expect. You know you'll get paid twice a month, you know how much that will be.
With Sascha on unemployment, and the old car shitting itself, our life pretty much lost all of its reliability.
It was about this time I realized I still had Shiva sitting in a primary place on my altar, for his destruction-for-a-purpose energies. Love you, man, but ENOUGH! I removed him, not from the altar, but from the center of it. I'm searching for stability now, and I don't think he's the way to find it.
Since doing so, I've found a job and we traded in the old car for a brand new one which should hopefully not break every time we turn around. (And they were able to wrap the old car loan into the new one; so financially it made sense.)
Volatility is just - not a pleasant experience for me. I often wear a hematite bracelet, and carry hematite worry stones, to keep myself grounded. I don't mind change, but I like to have a solid foundation to deal with that change from. My marriage is still rock-steady, and a wonderful foundation, but having lost the financial stability, things are more stressful.
We do have a few things on the horizon; a job offer for Sascha, a possible business opportunity for me, but neither of those start until January or February. So we're in a bit of a holding pattern. "Just get through the next few months, and then we'll be fine."
I've been so distracted with starting my new job - my seasonal, part-time, temporary retail job - that I don't even know what gods/goddesses/energies I should be directing my efforts toward. I should probably do some research and put a spell up on the altar.
Does anyone have any recommendations for financial spells? Or perhaps tranquility in the face of chaos spells?
Thursday, April 5, 2012
PGP - Waiting for Godot - or how NOT to wait
Waiting for Godot is a two-act play by Samuel Beckett. It's a somewhat bizarre little play, with two main characters and three supporting character. Estragon and Vladimir are waiting at an assigned spot for Godot, who never arrives, but sends messengers to tell them he'll come tomorrow. The next day they receive another messenger, saying he'll come tomorrow. They don't know who Godot is, or why they're waiting for him, and spend the time talking nonsense, entertaining a passerby, or debating whether or not to hang themselves from the tree that is often the only prop on the stage.
I read this play in high school, and to this day if I'm waiting for something that doesn't seem like it will EVER arrive, I call it "waiting for Godot."
It's an odd little play, with odd little lines.
Estragon: Nothing to be done.
Vladimir: I'm beginning to come round to that opinion. All my life I've tried to put it from me, saying Vladimir, be reasonable, you haven't yet tried everything. And I resumed the struggle. So there you are again.
Estragon: Am I?
How often in our lives do we find ourselves in a holding pattern, doing the same things day in and day out with no end in sight, no distraction, and only a vague "maybe it will be better someday" to keep us going forward?
I see Waiting for Godot as both a lesson in patience and a lesson in how NOT to wait. Estragon and Vladimir come to the tree every day, waiting for Godot - and the days blend into each other so seamlessly that they're not sure how long they've been waiting, or when Godot said he'd come - only that they need to be there, waiting. And sure, that's a lesson in endless patience, but surely that time could be used more productively.
As a military wife, I've had ample time to learn patience. When my husband was deployed to Afghanistan, I could have moped around the house and let the days run together until he got home - but there are far more productive things to do. I worked. I went back to school. I meditated and prayed. I spent time with friends and family. And you know what? The time went by far quicker than it would have otherwise.
I think we get so caught up in the waiting sometimes that we forget how much TIME we are spending obsessing about the thing we are waiting for.
Maybe that's one reason why I dislike the Christian god, or more aptly, the idea of a Rapture or End of the World or whatever. Why spend my time waiting for something that might come, or might not, and even if it is a sure thing that it WILL come, who knows WHEN it will come? I have far better things to be doing than preparing for a hypothetical. It's one thing to prepare for the future; it's another thing to prepare and wait for a future that may never come, and that is out of my control. I'd rather make plans and goals for myself, and live in the moment when I can, even when it's hard to do so.
What tricks do you have for living in the moment? Do you worry too much about the future? Is there something big that you're patiently waiting for?
Vladimir: Let us not waste our time in idle discourse! (Pause. Vehemently.) Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not every day that we are needed. Not indeed that we personally are needed. Others would meet the case equally well, if not better. To all mankind they were addressed, those cries for help still ringing in our ears! But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it, before it is too late! Let us represent worthily for once the foul brood to which a cruel fate consigned us! What do you say? (Estragon says nothing.)
I read this play in high school, and to this day if I'm waiting for something that doesn't seem like it will EVER arrive, I call it "waiting for Godot."
It's an odd little play, with odd little lines.
Estragon: Nothing to be done.
Vladimir: I'm beginning to come round to that opinion. All my life I've tried to put it from me, saying Vladimir, be reasonable, you haven't yet tried everything. And I resumed the struggle. So there you are again.
Estragon: Am I?
How often in our lives do we find ourselves in a holding pattern, doing the same things day in and day out with no end in sight, no distraction, and only a vague "maybe it will be better someday" to keep us going forward?
I see Waiting for Godot as both a lesson in patience and a lesson in how NOT to wait. Estragon and Vladimir come to the tree every day, waiting for Godot - and the days blend into each other so seamlessly that they're not sure how long they've been waiting, or when Godot said he'd come - only that they need to be there, waiting. And sure, that's a lesson in endless patience, but surely that time could be used more productively.
As a military wife, I've had ample time to learn patience. When my husband was deployed to Afghanistan, I could have moped around the house and let the days run together until he got home - but there are far more productive things to do. I worked. I went back to school. I meditated and prayed. I spent time with friends and family. And you know what? The time went by far quicker than it would have otherwise.
I think we get so caught up in the waiting sometimes that we forget how much TIME we are spending obsessing about the thing we are waiting for.
Maybe that's one reason why I dislike the Christian god, or more aptly, the idea of a Rapture or End of the World or whatever. Why spend my time waiting for something that might come, or might not, and even if it is a sure thing that it WILL come, who knows WHEN it will come? I have far better things to be doing than preparing for a hypothetical. It's one thing to prepare for the future; it's another thing to prepare and wait for a future that may never come, and that is out of my control. I'd rather make plans and goals for myself, and live in the moment when I can, even when it's hard to do so.
What tricks do you have for living in the moment? Do you worry too much about the future? Is there something big that you're patiently waiting for?
Vladimir: Let us not waste our time in idle discourse! (Pause. Vehemently.) Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not every day that we are needed. Not indeed that we personally are needed. Others would meet the case equally well, if not better. To all mankind they were addressed, those cries for help still ringing in our ears! But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it, before it is too late! Let us represent worthily for once the foul brood to which a cruel fate consigned us! What do you say? (Estragon says nothing.)
Friday, March 30, 2012
Gee Whillicker to Goddammit - Curse Words and Paganism
Warning: If the title wasn't clear enough, there will be curse words in this post and a lot of them!
My husband and I were talking recently about English curse words, and how the vast majority of the commonly used ones these days are monotheistic. I mean, look at this list:
Oh my god (or the internet OMG)
Dear god.
Dear Lord.
For christ's sakes. (or chrissakes)
Goddammit.
Jesus! (or Jesus Christ)
And these words are so ingrained in us - at least my husband and I - that we still commonly use them when swearing. We discussed if we should try to change our language (oh my gods!) or leave it be. Hell is easy enough to change - who knows if you're saying "Oh, Hell" or "Oh, Hel"? The husband rather liked the thought of "Jupiter's COCK!"
Ultimately we decided to just leave it be; it's kind of a private amusement to be "blaspheming" against a god we don't think exists.
Do you curse? Do you use pagan-specific curse words if you do? Was it hard to switch from traditional epithets?
My husband and I were talking recently about English curse words, and how the vast majority of the commonly used ones these days are monotheistic. I mean, look at this list:
Oh my god (or the internet OMG)
Dear god.
Dear Lord.
For christ's sakes. (or chrissakes)
Goddammit.
Jesus! (or Jesus Christ)
And these words are so ingrained in us - at least my husband and I - that we still commonly use them when swearing. We discussed if we should try to change our language (oh my gods!) or leave it be. Hell is easy enough to change - who knows if you're saying "Oh, Hell" or "Oh, Hel"? The husband rather liked the thought of "Jupiter's COCK!"
Ultimately we decided to just leave it be; it's kind of a private amusement to be "blaspheming" against a god we don't think exists.
Do you curse? Do you use pagan-specific curse words if you do? Was it hard to switch from traditional epithets?
Friday, March 23, 2012
Pagan Blog Project: The Fallibility of our gods
This is one thing that I actually really, really like about paganism. Our gods are FALLIBLE. Let me explain.
The Christian god is said to be omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. (All-powerful, All-knowing, and All-present)
This has always bothered me. There's a quote attributed to Epicurus that states: "Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then He is not omnipotent. Is He able, but not willing? Then He is malevolent. Is He both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is He neither able nor willing? Then why call Him God?"
I prefer my gods - they are fallible. They lie, they get tricked, they lust, they make mistakes. Certainly, they do this less than we mortals do. But they are not omnipotent, nor omniscient. They don't pretend to be. If an omnipotent god lets the horrible things happen that happen in this world, then that's not a god I want to follow!
I much prefer the thought of gods that guide, and change what they can, but need us to work for ourselves as well. It makes far more sense to me.
The Christian god is said to be omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. (All-powerful, All-knowing, and All-present)
This has always bothered me. There's a quote attributed to Epicurus that states: "Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then He is not omnipotent. Is He able, but not willing? Then He is malevolent. Is He both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is He neither able nor willing? Then why call Him God?"
I prefer my gods - they are fallible. They lie, they get tricked, they lust, they make mistakes. Certainly, they do this less than we mortals do. But they are not omnipotent, nor omniscient. They don't pretend to be. If an omnipotent god lets the horrible things happen that happen in this world, then that's not a god I want to follow!
I much prefer the thought of gods that guide, and change what they can, but need us to work for ourselves as well. It makes far more sense to me.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Pagan Blog Project: F is for Fearless Feline
I'd hesitate to call her my familiar; Boudicca, our cat, doesn't seem terribly interested in my magical workings. What she IS interested in is me. She could be curled up in bed with Sascha, who went to bed early, but instead she's sitting in the same room with me, staring intently at me, and occasionally complaining that I haven't gone to bed yet.
Boudicca - Boudi for short, pronouced Bo-dee, is a pure-bred Maine Coon. After a couple of years of wanting a cat, but unable to get one per our lease, we moved again for the military and made sure to get a pet-friendly place. We knew we wanted a Maine Coon, and at the time thought we might eventually get stationed overseas, so a pure bred from a breeder, with a known medical history, seemed like the way to go. She's registered as Megacoon Boudicca Cailleach. We wanted a fearless cat, so naming her for the warrior queen who sacked Londinium seemed like the way to go. And as you can see, we did indeed get a fearsome beast:
Boudicca - Boudi for short, pronouced Bo-dee, is a pure-bred Maine Coon. After a couple of years of wanting a cat, but unable to get one per our lease, we moved again for the military and made sure to get a pet-friendly place. We knew we wanted a Maine Coon, and at the time thought we might eventually get stationed overseas, so a pure bred from a breeder, with a known medical history, seemed like the way to go. She's registered as Megacoon Boudicca Cailleach. We wanted a fearless cat, so naming her for the warrior queen who sacked Londinium seemed like the way to go. And as you can see, we did indeed get a fearsome beast:
She was born on April 1st, 2010. She came home on the weekend of the 4th of July. The breeder warned us she might take a couple days to come out of hiding, but in less than 12 hours she went from this:
to coming out and playing at our feet and on our bed. It's hard to remember that she was ever that tiny, as she weighs about 20 pounds now! She really did bond to me, because unfortunately Sascha was gone for the first four months she was home, then home for three, then gone again for eight more months. So by the time he got to spend those three months with her, she was already mine. And the eight month deployment just cemented it. He saw her like the above photo, then like this:
and then, when he got home from Afghanistan, like this:
The artillery practicing nearby and shaking the house doesn't faze her. Fireworks don't faze her. Thunderstorms don't faze her. Wrecking the car made her a little clingy for a few weeks, but then she was back to her normal self. She travels with us when we need to; we have a large kennel, and a harness and leash that she doesn't mind.
She just curls up in the back and goes to sleep! She's been across the country twice, from North Carolina to Oregon and back. In and out of hotels. (She likes their sinks.)
But I think it was really tonight that I realized she is a familiar, and not just a house cat. A house cat would go sleep in bed and take advantage of my side being empty, right? Instead she's here by my feet. I've seen her leap off the bed and run for the door, growling, when someone knocks unexpectedly. Usually when I'm also napping; if I'm awake she doesn't tend to do that. I swear she understands me when I speak. She comes when called, and sits for her treats like a lady.
She's gotten a little too big for sinks, but she still tries. (And let me tell you, the urge to turn the water on is almost overpowering sometimes!) She's absolutely huge, and can stand up and reach things on the counter without hardly trying:
That's a normal-height table! She really wanted that bowl of crow feathers. She turns two years old this April, and sometimes it's hard to believe. Have I really had her in my life that long? Gods willing, she'll be with us for years to come, through more moves and more changes. I'm sure she'll take them in stride. In fact, I could probably learn a lot from her on taking changes well. And on being fearless.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Pagan Blog Project: Exclusion
Exclusion. The act of being excluded, or kept apart.
You know what one thing I miss about being Christian? The sense of community. Every Sunday, we'd go to church, and socialize with like-minded people whose families all knew each other. There was a sense of community, of family.
Now I'm on the other side of the country, no longer Christian, no longer Republican, and on a military base. So I feel pretty alone. I went to a spouse's meeting last night (only because they were offering passes for an extra day off for the husband!) and walking in, I literally felt like I was walking into enemy territory. I've made friends here - but most of them turned out to be false, treating a mutual friend like crap, only wanting to hang out at candlelite parties or Pampered Chef parties or Tupperware Parties or...well you get the idea. The mutual friend who was treated badly broke up with her girlfriend and moved home to Texas and I miss her dearly. (Yes, she was lesbian, and dating a Marine - probably why she also felt excluded.)
Currently my husband and I have exactly one pair of real friends here - and they're Catholic. But very open-minded Catholics; my husband read their tea leaves at their house after the spouse's meeting, and our friend's response was "You're practicing witchcraft in my house? Ah well, I'm not burning yet, so it must be okay." The standard joke is he's going to burn us, and we're going to feed him to our lion. (ie, our gigantic Maine Coon who will be the subject of next week's post.)
But with the exception of them - it's a lonely place. Our values just simply don't align with most military values. I'm looking forward to getting out of the military in three months and moving to DC - there's the Open Hearth Foundation with a Pagan Community Center that I can't WAIT to explore! But for now, I am stuck. I'll be celebrating Ostara alone, as my husband has to be gone on a Field Exercise. But nobody will be working on Easter Sunday, I guarantee it. Everyone had Christmas off - but he had to work around the Winter Solstice, so we couldn't do the Vigil For the Sun. Now that I think about it, he had duty over Imbolc, too.
This is a large part of why I have such a large presence online. I have a LiveJournal, a Facebook, a Google+, a Pinterest, Goodreads, this blog. (I'm crystallinegirl EVERYWHERE, just let me know you're from PGP) I'm active in my guild in World of Warcraft. I crave socialization, and since I don't get it in real life, I find it online with like-minded people. People who don't think Obama is the anti-christ, or that LGBTQ people have no place in the military, or society at large. People who don't think gay marriage is the moral equivalent of pedophilia. People who don't think a woman's place is in the kitchen with five kids.
That's another thing I've found about the military. Married couples with no kids? That don't plan to have kids in the near future (or at all)? Few and far between. At the "winter holiday party" (they couldn't call it a Christmas party, heh.) they had a raffle. There were about 7-8 prizes for families with children. 3-4 for single Marines. And one, yes ONE prize for married couples without children. I feel a bit like a second-class citizen, because we don't have kids. And don't want them.
I feel excluded here, and I miss the sense of community...but what I've gained in return is something unmeasurable. I've gained a sense of self, a confidence that I never had. I've gained the ability and the motivation to research the truth for myself, instead of just letting it be dictated to me. I've gained independence. I've gained the ability to pick and choose what I want to believe, what works for me. So - it's worth it. And I have hopes that it will get better when we move out of this military town.
You know what one thing I miss about being Christian? The sense of community. Every Sunday, we'd go to church, and socialize with like-minded people whose families all knew each other. There was a sense of community, of family.
Now I'm on the other side of the country, no longer Christian, no longer Republican, and on a military base. So I feel pretty alone. I went to a spouse's meeting last night (only because they were offering passes for an extra day off for the husband!) and walking in, I literally felt like I was walking into enemy territory. I've made friends here - but most of them turned out to be false, treating a mutual friend like crap, only wanting to hang out at candlelite parties or Pampered Chef parties or Tupperware Parties or...well you get the idea. The mutual friend who was treated badly broke up with her girlfriend and moved home to Texas and I miss her dearly. (Yes, she was lesbian, and dating a Marine - probably why she also felt excluded.)
Currently my husband and I have exactly one pair of real friends here - and they're Catholic. But very open-minded Catholics; my husband read their tea leaves at their house after the spouse's meeting, and our friend's response was "You're practicing witchcraft in my house? Ah well, I'm not burning yet, so it must be okay." The standard joke is he's going to burn us, and we're going to feed him to our lion. (ie, our gigantic Maine Coon who will be the subject of next week's post.)
But with the exception of them - it's a lonely place. Our values just simply don't align with most military values. I'm looking forward to getting out of the military in three months and moving to DC - there's the Open Hearth Foundation with a Pagan Community Center that I can't WAIT to explore! But for now, I am stuck. I'll be celebrating Ostara alone, as my husband has to be gone on a Field Exercise. But nobody will be working on Easter Sunday, I guarantee it. Everyone had Christmas off - but he had to work around the Winter Solstice, so we couldn't do the Vigil For the Sun. Now that I think about it, he had duty over Imbolc, too.
This is a large part of why I have such a large presence online. I have a LiveJournal, a Facebook, a Google+, a Pinterest, Goodreads, this blog. (I'm crystallinegirl EVERYWHERE, just let me know you're from PGP) I'm active in my guild in World of Warcraft. I crave socialization, and since I don't get it in real life, I find it online with like-minded people. People who don't think Obama is the anti-christ, or that LGBTQ people have no place in the military, or society at large. People who don't think gay marriage is the moral equivalent of pedophilia. People who don't think a woman's place is in the kitchen with five kids.
That's another thing I've found about the military. Married couples with no kids? That don't plan to have kids in the near future (or at all)? Few and far between. At the "winter holiday party" (they couldn't call it a Christmas party, heh.) they had a raffle. There were about 7-8 prizes for families with children. 3-4 for single Marines. And one, yes ONE prize for married couples without children. I feel a bit like a second-class citizen, because we don't have kids. And don't want them.
I feel excluded here, and I miss the sense of community...but what I've gained in return is something unmeasurable. I've gained a sense of self, a confidence that I never had. I've gained the ability and the motivation to research the truth for myself, instead of just letting it be dictated to me. I've gained independence. I've gained the ability to pick and choose what I want to believe, what works for me. So - it's worth it. And I have hopes that it will get better when we move out of this military town.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Pagan Blog Project: Exploring
My husband is in the military. This means we've moved. A lot. We've driven from Oregon to North Carolina twice, from North Carolina to DC several times, and spent some time in southern California as well. When we drive long distances and stay in different cities, we have a short list of places to look for, other than normal touristy things like aquariums and zoos and landmarks. Our list?
Bookstores (preferably used ones)
Gaming stores
Pagan/metaphysical stores
This has resulted in an interesting mix of things in our house. One of my goddess plaques above the altar I bought at Crescent Moon Gifts in Tacoma, Washington. (That's also where I picked up The Goddess Companion). I picked up a few rocks from Earth Magic in Olympia, Washington. Several of my dragons are from a small gift shop on the Oregon Coast. (I think in Newport.) The centerpiece of my altar, plus a couple of other smaller pieces, are from Potala Gate in the heart of Eugene, Oregon. While we were in Monterey, CA, we picked up the klaive from this post, as well as a giant box of Nag Champa. I have a sage stick from somewhere in Georgia, a hematite bracelet from South Dakota, a glass cube from Texas, and a necklace from North Carolina. And now a Tarot deck from Maryland. I've picked up witchy books from all over the country.
It's neat, because I can look at the altar and see so many places we've been. It's also interesting, in that I've been able to find magical items - whether they were meant to be such or not - everywhere I've gone. And not just the items, but the experiences. Can you say it's not a spiritual experience to stare into the Grand Canyon? Add in 0 degrees and snow and ice everywhere. It was spiritual, I guarantee it! And look what I found at the Grand Canyon:
Bookstores (preferably used ones)
Gaming stores
Pagan/metaphysical stores
This has resulted in an interesting mix of things in our house. One of my goddess plaques above the altar I bought at Crescent Moon Gifts in Tacoma, Washington. (That's also where I picked up The Goddess Companion). I picked up a few rocks from Earth Magic in Olympia, Washington. Several of my dragons are from a small gift shop on the Oregon Coast. (I think in Newport.) The centerpiece of my altar, plus a couple of other smaller pieces, are from Potala Gate in the heart of Eugene, Oregon. While we were in Monterey, CA, we picked up the klaive from this post, as well as a giant box of Nag Champa. I have a sage stick from somewhere in Georgia, a hematite bracelet from South Dakota, a glass cube from Texas, and a necklace from North Carolina. And now a Tarot deck from Maryland. I've picked up witchy books from all over the country.
It's neat, because I can look at the altar and see so many places we've been. It's also interesting, in that I've been able to find magical items - whether they were meant to be such or not - everywhere I've gone. And not just the items, but the experiences. Can you say it's not a spiritual experience to stare into the Grand Canyon? Add in 0 degrees and snow and ice everywhere. It was spiritual, I guarantee it! And look what I found at the Grand Canyon:
Magic is everywhere. In Oklahoma when we left the hotel:
In Dallas, at the Dallas World Aquarium, when you look up and realize there's a sloth sleeping above your head:
In New York for a friend's wedding and you stumble upon this fellow:
When you cross the upper Mississippi:
When you're leaving Washington to head east:
And when you realize that someone was looking out for you in Montana:
We're both alive, though Sascha broke two ribs and punctured/collapsed a lung in that wreck. The cat was thrown from her kennel, but stayed in the car. Magic is EVERYWHERE. And the more I explore my world, the more I find that to be true. And because I can't end this entry with that picture, I'll give you one more.
Magic can also be found much closer to home. :)
Friday, February 24, 2012
Dabbling in the arts
This post is part of the Pagan Blog Project, Week 8: D
I'm a Dabbler. I'm still fairly new to witchcraft and paganism; this world was only opened up to me a few years ago. And so I dabble, looking for what rings true to me.
I primarily work with the Celtic pantheon, but Ganesh and Shiva have places on my altar. There's a prayer to Kali on my wall. Raven as the Trickster speaks to me often. Odin speaks strongly to my husband. And Grandfather Thunder, well, he has a place in my heart as well.
I work with candles, oils, rocks, poetry. I have several Tarot decks but have yet to find the right one. I like using astrology as insight to people's personalities, but don't use it as a divination tool.
It's a little of everything, and I have yet to find out where precisely I fit in.
For a while I thought "oh! Kitchen Witchery! I love to cook!" But I don't cook potions, I cook dinner. My husband works with the weather on occasion (well, rarely, as the weather patterns tend to snap back; equal and opposite reactions and all that) but while I love weather - I can't affect it. I've performed a ritual or two, but I can't help but feel silly while doing so.
How does one find the right path? Is there a right path? I'm still searching, and enjoying myself along the journey, which I think is an important part of it. I will continue reading, and learning of others' paths, and incorporating what I like into my own. That's one of the most amazing parts of the internet; the ability to learn about other paths, other religions, other lifestyles, other cultures. To dabble.
How did you find your path?
I'm a Dabbler. I'm still fairly new to witchcraft and paganism; this world was only opened up to me a few years ago. And so I dabble, looking for what rings true to me.
I primarily work with the Celtic pantheon, but Ganesh and Shiva have places on my altar. There's a prayer to Kali on my wall. Raven as the Trickster speaks to me often. Odin speaks strongly to my husband. And Grandfather Thunder, well, he has a place in my heart as well.
I work with candles, oils, rocks, poetry. I have several Tarot decks but have yet to find the right one. I like using astrology as insight to people's personalities, but don't use it as a divination tool.
It's a little of everything, and I have yet to find out where precisely I fit in.
For a while I thought "oh! Kitchen Witchery! I love to cook!" But I don't cook potions, I cook dinner. My husband works with the weather on occasion (well, rarely, as the weather patterns tend to snap back; equal and opposite reactions and all that) but while I love weather - I can't affect it. I've performed a ritual or two, but I can't help but feel silly while doing so.
How does one find the right path? Is there a right path? I'm still searching, and enjoying myself along the journey, which I think is an important part of it. I will continue reading, and learning of others' paths, and incorporating what I like into my own. That's one of the most amazing parts of the internet; the ability to learn about other paths, other religions, other lifestyles, other cultures. To dabble.
How did you find your path?
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Pagan Blog Project 2012
In an effort to get more variety into this blog, I'm going to start participating in the Pagan Blog Project. I'm a little late - I've missed the letters A, B, and C. But I'll start with D, this Friday. I'll continue the 44 Days of Witchery until it's done, and I'll also start looking at pagan blog prompts, another blog I have linked at the side. I'll continue getting book reviews up until I'm caught up with the books I own/have read. Then they'll most likely become less common. I still read a lot of books, but a lot of them don't relate to this blog. So instead of multiple book reviews each day, I'll more likely post one a week.
I'm pondering doing some sort of schedule - Pagan Blog Project on Friday. Maybe...Book Review Tuesday, or something. Photo Wednesday, maybe. News Roundup on Monday.
So let's see...
Sunday - Photo
Monday - News Roundup
Tuesday - Tarot Tuesday
Wednesday - Kitchen Witch Wednesday
Thursday - Book Review
Friday - Pagan Blog Project
Saturday -
Any ideas for topics? I should probably also get around to getting a real intro post up.
I'm pondering doing some sort of schedule - Pagan Blog Project on Friday. Maybe...Book Review Tuesday, or something. Photo Wednesday, maybe. News Roundup on Monday.
So let's see...
Sunday - Photo
Monday - News Roundup
Tuesday - Tarot Tuesday
Wednesday - Kitchen Witch Wednesday
Thursday - Book Review
Friday - Pagan Blog Project
Saturday -
Any ideas for topics? I should probably also get around to getting a real intro post up.
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