I've decided to start over again, slowly, with my old Friend, the Tarot of the Cat People. So I'm working through my "Tarot for Your Self" book, from the beginning, with this deck.
(You can see my first entry about this book here, and about this deck here.)
After recording my Tarot profile as seen in my first entry about this book, I moved on to a simple three-card spread. I know how to do the cross spread, but for now, we'll stay simple with the three-card. I've always read it as past-present-future, but this book suggests not only that, but also body-mind-spirit. An interesting twist.
Today my three cards are Nine of Pentacles-Ace of Pentacles-Two of Wands (inverted).
If I look at them as Body-Mind-Spirit, I see that I am incredibly wealthy in body (well, yes, I'd like to be a little less so!). My mind is at a peak of power right now, and my spirit is...torn. Torn between two things, distracted, dealing with a loss of faith. At a time when it really should be cementing its dominance.
Perhaps this is telling me I really need to work on letting go of the last bits of indoctrination left over from my conservative Christian upbringing. I still have a little trouble with rituals and overt spellwork; I feel silly calling out aloud to my gods or tracing figures in the air/on the ground. And this is something I need to get over.
I learned the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram from a friend over the weekend. There are parts of it I really like (And around me flames the pentagram, and within me the six-rayed star - I love that. It feels like a shield that doesn't feed solely off my own energy.) and parts that I feel really funny about. (Tracing the pentagram in the air, intoning certain words that have no real meaning to me.) I've already changed some of it; the gods I call upon being the most significant. (Rhiannon before me, behind me Mannanan, to my right Brigid, to my left Cernunnos.) I will probably continue changing it until it feels right to me.
Did any of you have issues with your magic? Did you ever feel silly performing a ritual? Any ideas for how to get over it?